PAINEMBER

they tell you,

alcohol is addictive

it kills you slow.

they say,

drugs

destroy you,

drives you crazy.

religion,

is for the fanatics,

and i am not one.

and suicide, they say

is for cowards

though everyone

is afraid of death.

i have just one question.

when music

makes me fight

memories i need to forget

when i drive

and miss

the other hand on the gearknob,

holding mine

when i eat

and cant see

those stifled giggles

on how i lick my plate

when i write

on the sand

my name beside her's

and watch helplessly

as the sea

swallows a dream alive

time after time

when i crave

that head on my chest,

the breath on my neck,

the taste of her cracked lips

that strand of hair

to tuck behind her ear

answer me.

tell me how.

give me a way

to numb the pain

to not to remember

a life lost.

show me how

to forget

love.

(image: water colour by gaya)

without you

I am afraid

to look by my side

where you always used to be.

i cant bear

to look back

and be haunted

by everything

we left behind

like a racing horse,

i am doomed

to look forward

to stare at

the loneliness

the emptiness that awaits.

and now

all i really want

is to sleep

to sleep deep

and never open my eyes again,

and never wake up

to knowing

i am without you.

25

I know a man

Who always wears a ray ban.

Who was expelled from his college.
For being a hippie and not cutting his hair.

Who sings the most absurd version
Of “mere angane mein” you will ever hear.

Who loves brazil,sachin,federer , arsenal
Not necessarily in that order.

Who reads 4 newspapers a day,
A diehard congressman ,
And an authority on kerala politics.

Who will never agree
Mammootty is a great actor.

Who will talk eloquently
On things he knows everything
And things he knows absolute nothing about.

I know a woman

Who traveled 180 km
In a crowded train
The day before she delivered her firstborn.

Who used to make 4 different breakfasts
and then go to work,
Before those ad companies said it was possible.

Who will never admit
She likes to watch those tv serials.

Who likes fishheads
And to finger lick her plates

Who makes the bestest fish curries.

Whose coastal accent appears out of nowhere
Whenever she reaches her native place.

Who wants her son to come home to sleep
Even if that means
She has to open the doors at 3am.

The man , who prides himself on knowing a bit about everythig,
Silently wishes he knew more about his introvert son.
The woman hopes her son goes to church more often.

they had nothing in common
attitude.lifestyle.tastes.interests.nothing.
yet 25 years ago,
on this day ,
they set sail together.
Somewhere along the way
They first carried someone
Then taught him to walk
And to run.
Once he started running,
He often forgot to look back.
Forgot they could not always catch up.

I am sorry.

Happy 25th anniversary mom and dad.
Love you .

break up

We stood
face to face
eyes locked,
thoughts shared,
For an eternity.

But i was not aware
that between us,
Bricks,
were slowly taking shape into
A stubborn wall.

From below upwards,
the wall climbed high
reached my eyeline
and hid your deep eyes from me.

But even then,
for long,
I kept staring
hoping , someday
I will see you through the wall.

But then,
In a moment of infinite transparency,
I knew
that someone had been on the other side,
held your hand ,
and walked away with you,
even as you too
had your neck turned ,
your eyes fixed on the wall.

I punched the wall,
till my knuckles smashed
I clawed on it
till my nails were ground to dust.
I kicked on it,
I broke my knees
and crushed my feet
I bit
and lost my teeth.

I banged my head on the wall,
perhaps just to forget,
But I could not
the wall still stood tall.
and I bled.

And now,
Reduced
to a heap of shapeless brokenness,
I have to crawl,
away
from the wall.
Away,
from where you were.

Good bye,
to you,
and the space that were you.

back in action.

i dont know if there is anyone out there who really cares about this tiny bit of web space, but i dont really care if anyone cares. it has been dormant for over a year now, and i intend to inject some life into it, as much life as my inherently lazy self and killing schedule permits. good luck to me..