നാട്ടുവഴി

ഓര്‍മയിലെ

ഒറ്റയടിപ്പാതക്കരികില്‍

ഒളിച്ചിരുന്നത്‌

ഒരു പറ്റം പേടികള്‍ ആയിരുന്നു.

പഴുതാരകള്‍.തേളുകള്‍.

പാമ്പുകള്‍.

പേടികൊണ്ട് ഞാനും

വാശിപ്പുറത്ത് നീയും

വഴി മാറാഞ്ഞപ്പോള്‍

കൂടി പിണഞ്ഞത്

നിന്റെ ദാവണി തലപ്പും

എന്റെ ചെയിന്‍ വാച്ചും

മാത്രമല്ലായിരുന്നു.

പിന്നൊരിക്കല്‍

പുലര്‍മഞ്ഞില്‍

വിരല്‍ പിരിച്ച്

വശം ചേര്‍ന്ന് നടക്കാന്‍

നാട്ടുവഴിയോരത്തെ

ചപ്പിലെന്നെ ഇറക്കിയതും

എന്റെ പേടികളെ

തല്ലിക്കെടുത്തിയതും

നീ.

Eyes

Her eyes

is where,
the sea sleeps,
the fire hides,

the sorcery recides,
my doom lies.

Its her lashes were,
I drink my monsoons from.

so near, yet so far

You are the sun
I am the girl on the beach
you are all over me
I can feel your touch,
Your hugs,your kiss
Yet,
there is still
An ocean between us,
and if you come to me,
Its not just me that will burn.

*********************

As i look into your eyes,
it begins to rain in mine.
the dampness of which,
leaves my hair strands
sticking to my neck.
A cold chill spreads over me
I cross my hands and shiver
I can't breath.
And i hunger for your warmth.
But you are still
a million cold bodies away,

And to reach me,
Its not just my heart
that you need to stamp your feet on.

********************************
You are Narcissus*
I am your mirror image
I want to reach,
to touch you
There is just
A thin sheet of glass between us
But if you break it
I am lost,
destroyed forever
And it won't just be your fingers
that will bleed on to a broken me.

*******************************
You are my wish
to paint a landscape
standing in the rain.
Every time
I stroke a colour,
A drop washes it off
leaving just
a blurred splash,
bordered,
in blood red.

(image : water colour, black pen, sketch pen on paper ,
by GAYA )

മണല്‍കൊട്ടാരം

വിരലുകള്‍ക്കിടയിലൂടെ

ഊര്‍ന്നുപോയ മണല്‍തരികള്‍

കണ്ണീരു കൊണ്ട് നനച്ച്

ഞാനൊരു കൊട്ടാരമുണ്ടാക്കി.

എന്റെ പ്രണയത്തോടൊപ്പം

ഞാനതില്‍ താമസമാക്കി .

പൊള്ളുന്ന വെയിലില്‍

മണല്‍തരികള്‍ ഉണങ്ങിപ്പോയി.

കൊട്ടാരം പൊടിഞ്ഞു പോയി.

അലയടിച്ചു വന്ന തിരമാലകള്‍

കട്ടുകൊണ്ടുപോയി.

കൊട്ടാരമില്ലാത്ത , കിരീടമില്ലാത്ത

രാജാവിന്റെ വിരലുകള്‍

പ്രണയത്തിന്റെ വിരലുകളെ പരതി.

വൈകിപ്പോയിരുന്നു.

മണല്‍തരികള്‍ വീണ്ടും നനഞ്ഞു.

നനഞ്ഞു തന്നെ കിടന്നു.

Now that you are gone

Now that you are gone
I feel like
I am a newborn.

I was Atlas*
Your love
was the world on my shoulders
Now that the world lies shattered
Once again,
I can stand up tall.

I can stand up straight
Stretch my hands
And lock eyes with the sun.
Those thick roots
that covered every inch of me
Recede back.
I am naked again,
I can feel
The wind , the heat and sweat
on my pale bare skin again.

Now that you are gone
I can strum endless on my guitar
and not sing a word for you.

I can start
'thinking' again
and not dream always.

I see,
Hear and taste
The world anew.

I can cut away my veins,
The pain
would only be mine to bear,
and not share.
And if you plan to do the same,
or even just be happy,
I don't want to share either.

Call me selfish.
Cruel.
I don't care.
I feel so feathery light,
I believe I can fly.
My breaths
Are not heavy anymore.
I am Roark. **
I am free.




*Atlas
**Howard Roark

cold love

She swept inside my blanket

in what must have been

the young hours of night

and hugged me tight.

Strangely,

she wasn't warm.

She came

with a beautiful chill,

that made me curl and cuddle.

She curved into

the curves i had,

She filled into

the spaces i made,

Delicately

moulding , shaping herself

completing me.

And then she made love to me.

So gently,

she never woke me up.

Never even let me know

except for

a distant sense of bliss

somewhere in the subconscious

between a dream, an unknowing smile

and infinite void.

It was only when

I woke up wasted at dawn,

to find crushed bangles

and crumpled bedsheets

in those puddles

filled with dead fireflies,

in the soaked wet newspaper in the porch

in the dampness of my glass windows

in the drops dripping of leaflets

and in that strange unique green

that was everywhere

That i came to know,

she had been there.

What she had done to me.

That silly, naughty

beauty named rain.

The next best thing

with friends on a serene sunday night over a cold beer a thought crossed my mind Looking ahead at 24, with chapters of college, career and shattered love left behind the next best thing to happen in life would be to hold my firstborn in my own hands.. **************************** i wouldn't mind if it's a he or she, but if its a he, i want him to grow up real naughty. i want him to throw everything he lays his hands on, i want his balls to be breaking window panes. it would be so boring, if he gives me peace of mind. And when he goes to school, i wont insist him to be scoring all A's but it would be nice, if he could sing a bit and play guitar. it's ok if he is not first in class, but when he plays football with friends, he should play the best pass. at 16, he should find a girlfriend, and at 17, he should break up. he should know what heartbreak is, moreover, at 16 its never the right girl. i want him to fall in love without looking for it to fall in love without fear of legacy, caste or creed. it wouldn't be nice, without him at home, but i want him to backpack his way into the wonders of the world to sleep in the quite of the wilderness to climb mountains and smell the sky There are dreams galore, but the one thing i don't want to do, is to sell him my unfinished dreams And the only thing i really want to teach him is to dream, big and wild and bold. and i want to watch with pride as he chases his own. dreams. **************************** I wouldn't mind, if it's a he or she, but i have to confess it will be a little more special, if its really a 'she'. From the very first time i see her wrapped in a white towel, she will be the prettiest girl in the world for me, though i guess her mom won't like that much. i want to be there, when her feet dances for the first time when she feeds that barbie with a spoon when she wears her lipstick right across her cheek. I wouldn't mind if she sticks out her tongue at every annoying cousin who coaxes her to sing. I want her to grow up without any fears bold and beautiful, the freest of spirits. It would be lovely if she could dance, but it would be just as fine if she wants to race a bike, or kick someone in a fight. I don't want to miss that naughty twinkle in her eyes when she makes me shake hands with that tall dark boy from class and when i walk her down the aisle she in her lilywhite gown, i don't want her to see tears swelling up my eyes The world will keep telling her something i want her to unlearn there is nothing you can't do , dear just because you were born a girl. There are dreams galore, but the one thing i don't want to do, is to sell her my unfinished dreams And the only thing i really want to teach her is to dream, big and wild and bold. and i want to watch with pride as she chases her own. dreams. ********************

what you din't see..

that crumpled
white sheet of paper
that you found on your bed
that you threw away
had my heart written on it.

i won't blame you
for thinking
the paper was blank
because, i know
when i was writing that letter
my pen
was weeping tears

fine,
your eyes din't see
those letters in tears.

but tell me,
when your fingers felt
the cold dampness of that paper,
didn't your heart
feel the sting in my eyes?

on(ly)e night

dearest,

won't you
sleep with me for a night
before you say
good bye.

just so that
i can tell you a bedtime story,
and sing you a lullaby.
and for once,
i can kiss your forehead
on wishing you goodnight.

for one night,
so i wouldn't need to pray
to keep my nightmares away
so i wouldn't need
a crumpled pillow
to hug.

to pull the blanket over you
and stay awake all night
to watch you sleep
peacefully
in the dull glow of moonlight

to have
the sound of your breath
the knowledge of your being
to comfort me
in the eerie silence of midnight

to love you all night
and when the dawn breaks
to have your face
be the first thing to fill my eyes
one first
and last time.

dearest,
before you say good bye,
won't you
sleep with me for a night?


(image courtesy : gaya )

പ്രായശ്ചിത്തം

നീ ഉറക്കമിളച്ചു

മുട്ടുകുത്തി പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ,

ഞാന്‍ മുങ്ങിത്താഴുകയായിരുന്നു

അക്ഷന്തവ്യമായ തിന്മകളുടെ

ഉന്മത്ത ലഹരിയില്‍...

ഈശ്വരനോട്

മാപ്പ് ചോദിക്കുന്നതുപോലും

അത്യാഗ്രഹം.

നിന്നോടെങ്കിലും ഞാന്‍ യാചിക്കട്ടെ

ഉരുകിയൊലിക്കുന്ന,

ഉണങ്ങാത്ത വ്രണങ്ങളിലേക്ക്

ഒരിറ്റു തീർത്ഥജലമായി

'ക്ഷമിച്ചു' എന്നൊരു വാക്ക്..

(image courtesy: gaya )