Eyes

Her eyes

is where,
the sea sleeps,
the fire hides,

the sorcery recides,
my doom lies.

Its her lashes were,
I drink my monsoons from.

so near, yet so far

You are the sun
I am the girl on the beach
you are all over me
I can feel your touch,
Your hugs,your kiss
Yet,
there is still
An ocean between us,
and if you come to me,
Its not just me that will burn.

*********************

As i look into your eyes,
it begins to rain in mine.
the dampness of which,
leaves my hair strands
sticking to my neck.
A cold chill spreads over me
I cross my hands and shiver
I can't breath.
And i hunger for your warmth.
But you are still
a million cold bodies away,

And to reach me,
Its not just my heart
that you need to stamp your feet on.

********************************
You are Narcissus*
I am your mirror image
I want to reach,
to touch you
There is just
A thin sheet of glass between us
But if you break it
I am lost,
destroyed forever
And it won't just be your fingers
that will bleed on to a broken me.

*******************************
You are my wish
to paint a landscape
standing in the rain.
Every time
I stroke a colour,
A drop washes it off
leaving just
a blurred splash,
bordered,
in blood red.

(image : water colour, black pen, sketch pen on paper ,
by GAYA )

മണല്‍കൊട്ടാരം

വിരലുകള്‍ക്കിടയിലൂടെ

ഊര്‍ന്നുപോയ മണല്‍തരികള്‍

കണ്ണീരു കൊണ്ട് നനച്ച്

ഞാനൊരു കൊട്ടാരമുണ്ടാക്കി.

എന്റെ പ്രണയത്തോടൊപ്പം

ഞാനതില്‍ താമസമാക്കി .

പൊള്ളുന്ന വെയിലില്‍

മണല്‍തരികള്‍ ഉണങ്ങിപ്പോയി.

കൊട്ടാരം പൊടിഞ്ഞു പോയി.

അലയടിച്ചു വന്ന തിരമാലകള്‍

കട്ടുകൊണ്ടുപോയി.

കൊട്ടാരമില്ലാത്ത , കിരീടമില്ലാത്ത

രാജാവിന്റെ വിരലുകള്‍

പ്രണയത്തിന്റെ വിരലുകളെ പരതി.

വൈകിപ്പോയിരുന്നു.

മണല്‍തരികള്‍ വീണ്ടും നനഞ്ഞു.

നനഞ്ഞു തന്നെ കിടന്നു.

Now that you are gone

Now that you are gone
I feel like
I am a newborn.

I was Atlas*
Your love
was the world on my shoulders
Now that the world lies shattered
Once again,
I can stand up tall.

I can stand up straight
Stretch my hands
And lock eyes with the sun.
Those thick roots
that covered every inch of me
Recede back.
I am naked again,
I can feel
The wind , the heat and sweat
on my pale bare skin again.

Now that you are gone
I can strum endless on my guitar
and not sing a word for you.

I can start
'thinking' again
and not dream always.

I see,
Hear and taste
The world anew.

I can cut away my veins,
The pain
would only be mine to bear,
and not share.
And if you plan to do the same,
or even just be happy,
I don't want to share either.

Call me selfish.
Cruel.
I don't care.
I feel so feathery light,
I believe I can fly.
My breaths
Are not heavy anymore.
I am Roark. **
I am free.




*Atlas
**Howard Roark

cold love

She swept inside my blanket

in what must have been

the young hours of night

and hugged me tight.

Strangely,

she wasn't warm.

She came

with a beautiful chill,

that made me curl and cuddle.

She curved into

the curves i had,

She filled into

the spaces i made,

Delicately

moulding , shaping herself

completing me.

And then she made love to me.

So gently,

she never woke me up.

Never even let me know

except for

a distant sense of bliss

somewhere in the subconscious

between a dream, an unknowing smile

and infinite void.

It was only when

I woke up wasted at dawn,

to find crushed bangles

and crumpled bedsheets

in those puddles

filled with dead fireflies,

in the soaked wet newspaper in the porch

in the dampness of my glass windows

in the drops dripping of leaflets

and in that strange unique green

that was everywhere

That i came to know,

she had been there.

What she had done to me.

That silly, naughty

beauty named rain.

what you din't see..

that crumpled
white sheet of paper
that you found on your bed
that you threw away
had my heart written on it.

i won't blame you
for thinking
the paper was blank
because, i know
when i was writing that letter
my pen
was weeping tears

fine,
your eyes din't see
those letters in tears.

but tell me,
when your fingers felt
the cold dampness of that paper,
didn't your heart
feel the sting in my eyes?

പ്രായശ്ചിത്തം

നീ ഉറക്കമിളച്ചു

മുട്ടുകുത്തി പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ,

ഞാന്‍ മുങ്ങിത്താഴുകയായിരുന്നു

അക്ഷന്തവ്യമായ തിന്മകളുടെ

ഉന്മത്ത ലഹരിയില്‍...

ഈശ്വരനോട്

മാപ്പ് ചോദിക്കുന്നതുപോലും

അത്യാഗ്രഹം.

നിന്നോടെങ്കിലും ഞാന്‍ യാചിക്കട്ടെ

ഉരുകിയൊലിക്കുന്ന,

ഉണങ്ങാത്ത വ്രണങ്ങളിലേക്ക്

ഒരിറ്റു തീർത്ഥജലമായി

'ക്ഷമിച്ചു' എന്നൊരു വാക്ക്..

(image courtesy: gaya )

PAINEMBER

they tell you,

alcohol is addictive

it kills you slow.

they say,

drugs

destroy you,

drives you crazy.

religion,

is for the fanatics,

and i am not one.

and suicide, they say

is for cowards

though everyone

is afraid of death.

i have just one question.

when music

makes me fight

memories i need to forget

when i drive

and miss

the other hand on the gearknob,

holding mine

when i eat

and cant see

those stifled giggles

on how i lick my plate

when i write

on the sand

my name beside her's

and watch helplessly

as the sea

swallows a dream alive

time after time

when i crave

that head on my chest,

the breath on my neck,

the taste of her cracked lips

that strand of hair

to tuck behind her ear

answer me.

tell me how.

give me a way

to numb the pain

to not to remember

a life lost.

show me how

to forget

love.

(image: water colour by gaya)

without you

I am afraid

to look by my side

where you always used to be.

i cant bear

to look back

and be haunted

by everything

we left behind

like a racing horse,

i am doomed

to look forward

to stare at

the loneliness

the emptiness that awaits.

and now

all i really want

is to sleep

to sleep deep

and never open my eyes again,

and never wake up

to knowing

i am without you.

25

I know a man

Who always wears a ray ban.

Who was expelled from his college.
For being a hippie and not cutting his hair.

Who sings the most absurd version
Of “mere angane mein” you will ever hear.

Who loves brazil,sachin,federer , arsenal
Not necessarily in that order.

Who reads 4 newspapers a day,
A diehard congressman ,
And an authority on kerala politics.

Who will never agree
Mammootty is a great actor.

Who will talk eloquently
On things he knows everything
And things he knows absolute nothing about.

I know a woman

Who traveled 180 km
In a crowded train
The day before she delivered her firstborn.

Who used to make 4 different breakfasts
and then go to work,
Before those ad companies said it was possible.

Who will never admit
She likes to watch those tv serials.

Who likes fishheads
And to finger lick her plates

Who makes the bestest fish curries.

Whose coastal accent appears out of nowhere
Whenever she reaches her native place.

Who wants her son to come home to sleep
Even if that means
She has to open the doors at 3am.

The man , who prides himself on knowing a bit about everythig,
Silently wishes he knew more about his introvert son.
The woman hopes her son goes to church more often.

they had nothing in common
attitude.lifestyle.tastes.interests.nothing.
yet 25 years ago,
on this day ,
they set sail together.
Somewhere along the way
They first carried someone
Then taught him to walk
And to run.
Once he started running,
He often forgot to look back.
Forgot they could not always catch up.

I am sorry.

Happy 25th anniversary mom and dad.
Love you .

break up

We stood
face to face
eyes locked,
thoughts shared,
For an eternity.

But i was not aware
that between us,
Bricks,
were slowly taking shape into
A stubborn wall.

From below upwards,
the wall climbed high
reached my eyeline
and hid your deep eyes from me.

But even then,
for long,
I kept staring
hoping , someday
I will see you through the wall.

But then,
In a moment of infinite transparency,
I knew
that someone had been on the other side,
held your hand ,
and walked away with you,
even as you too
had your neck turned ,
your eyes fixed on the wall.

I punched the wall,
till my knuckles smashed
I clawed on it
till my nails were ground to dust.
I kicked on it,
I broke my knees
and crushed my feet
I bit
and lost my teeth.

I banged my head on the wall,
perhaps just to forget,
But I could not
the wall still stood tall.
and I bled.

And now,
Reduced
to a heap of shapeless brokenness,
I have to crawl,
away
from the wall.
Away,
from where you were.

Good bye,
to you,
and the space that were you.

TRANSITIONS

Form the dark nights
To the grey dawns
Into the yellow mornings

I have always loved transitions.

From lead pencils
To fountain pens
To keyboards

From cradles
To shoulders
To fingers to legs to wheels

From my class seventh shorts
To my class eighth pants

From hugs and kisses
To archies cards
To Oh god, I forgots

From the torrents
To the drizzles
Into rainbows and sunny skies.

From tom and jerrys
To blood booze and bodies
And back to tom and jerrys

From infatuations
To cravings and frustrations
To love

From loneliness to
Loneliness
To loneliness.

10/16/2008 3:11:15 AM

SWEETER THAN A DREAM

Once,
An early morning dream
A sweet, delightful one,
Became cross with me...
He woke me up,
In the middle of a dream
Hoping,
I would miss him
And close my eyes
And beg him to complete
And so he left me
In the middle of somewhere beautiful
And kept on watching
Eager to see my plight

But to his dismay,
He was defeated, surprised..
As he saw me happier
Than he could ever make me
More content
Than he had ever seen me

And when he looked why
That was when he saw
You in my arms
In my embrace

Green with envy
He realized
That I had woken up
Only to feel you within my arms
And for me, having you by my side
Having your head on my chest
Was more precious
More delightful
Than anything he had become
To anyone…

SOUNDS OF SILENCE

SILENCE


Roaring

Screaming

Ripping

Weeping

Groaning

Moaning

Thumping


SILENCE

WAKE ME UP

The weakness inside me
Makes me flee
From anyone I love
And when I do that
I am left with no choice

I am bound to waste my love
On people I am supposed to hate
Would I go to heaven for that?

Wake me up, my love
From my indifferent slumber
I had rather burn to death in love
Than die a boring death in my sleep.

BE WITH ME

I want your shadow
Beside mine
When I walk the sands
This orange sunset

I want you to live
In my dreams and my hopes
Sharing the truths and the lies
The light and the dark

I want you to be
My tune and my rhyme
My tenor and timbre
When my voice crack
Singing the songs of my life

And when I die
And end up in some corner of the sky
I will wait
For you to be
Beside me
And as always,
Outshine me.

morning sickness

I hate it when I wake up wide awake in some early mornings.
Because they bring with them a fear, sadness, that I dread the most........................................
.....................................
...................................

Some days I wake up early,
Suddenly
Without the shrieks of the alarm
Unasked for
At 4.
And the silence
Makes me remember
All that I have lost.
All that never can I regain.
Everything
That I missed out on.

The floodgates open
Those doors of my mind
that I have closed
and sealed
and plastered
as much as I can
are pushed wide apart.

It reminds me
all that I wanted to be
and never could be
or has been yet.

It fills me with a certainty
That the worst
Is still waiting
To hitchhike on your life.

There is a queer feeling in the chest.
I sweat.
I weep.
I bang my fist into the pillow.
I kneel,
And I pray,
O god please let me fall back asleep.

DRENCHED MUSINGS

The night rain is hiding
Behind a dark veil
But I can
Hear the dancing feet
Smell the fragrance
Of fulfilled love
Feel the cold kisses
Across a blanket of sweat
And see the colourless collages
Made on the window pane.

* * * * * * * *

When it rains
In the narrow spaces between the walls
Through the fume filled suffocation
Of the city streets
Among myriads of men and women
When the rain squeezes through
Between my outstretched fingers
Between the dense leaves of the tree in the courtyard
I can’t help wondering
What if
The rain was claustrophobic?
* * * * * * * *

I love the rain
When his tempo wanes
When his fury has begun to recede
When I can hear
His deep laboured breaths
His gasps of exhaustion
After having made frantic love
With his mate, lady earth
After having sown his seeds
In her sacred, infinite, womb.

SHADOWS

SHADOWS

Shadows
My shadows
My shadows in the darkness
Long and short, they pace along
Pausing
Just for a moment everyday
To watch each other

My shadows in the darkness.

They sprout from my feet
And look back upon me
With an indifferent gaze;
Sometimes
It has a smirk on its face
A nasty, arrogant grin
Of someone who knows
I want to, but never will
Get rid of him.

Shadows.
My shadows in the darkness.

I get drenched
In stormy downpours
But they always remain
Dry and warm.
I sweat and swear
In scalding heat
But they always manage
To remain calm.
I tried counting them,
And got bored with numbers.

Then I decided
May be should learn
To live with,
To fall in love with
My unforgiving shadows.
And so I bent down
To kiss them
To hug them
And this time
They were no longer there.
They vanished into thin air.

Still,
The defeat was solely mine.